I smile.

I haven't had a computer since Sunday! I'm going crazy! 

This has been my week: 

 

Ekk! The new roommate arrived. (I know, creepy taking a picture of a stranger's shoes..)

 

Lovely sunny mornings and my walk with the dogs.

 Luna enjoys the rain. As do I.

 

My new running shoes! It's harder than you imagine! 

But really, I think they will be worth it. 

 

 

I'm doing some physio for my busted finger. Finally. 5 x a day for 10 minutes.It's painful. 

I hope your week has been a gas. :) 

 

Lately:

I think I just allowed the biggest, burliest, tattooed dude to live in my basement for the summer. Oh please God, don't let him be some kind of psycho killer!

I've been doing yoga and drinking too much beer.

Listening to a lot of hip-hop and classical music. I don't get it either.

Loving my time with Shannon. Dang woman, you're a good listener. Thanks for the perspective.

Eating a lot of take-out and cooking zero. It's depressing to cook for one. Never been good at it. Out-of-the-pot-and-over-the-sink has never been my thing... Yes, that's how I eat when I am alone. Tables with empty chairs depress me.

Being told to keep going over chicken fingers and messy sandwiches. I don't take that lightly, it is easy to crumble and stay there. Thank you.

Sleeping not very much. Constantly having nightmares. Last night a fellow high-school student shot me in the head. People in the street didn't care I was dying.

Walking a lot with Luna. Enjoying the spring smells.

Planning to move.

Asked to job shadow under a caterer here. I don't even care if I get paid!

Reading Born to Run. I'm glad I took a third attempt at it. Also a book on how to make friends. As I have none. And I probably need them

Creating a summer bucket list. It's going to be an action packed last summer here. 

Telling myself, "I just have to adjust to life without him, and that I will be okay." Adapting to an adverse situation. I could have cancer or no legs. This should be easier.

Trying to be grateful. Failing at it.

Forcing myself to focus on me, and my goals for a change.

Learning to let go of the past. It has always been a challenge.

Fixing my house to sell it in June.

If I've missed telling you that I was leaving in the fall, I am sorry that this is how you found out.

Much love, dear friends.

Happy New Year Rob.
My, how a year can change things.

I am excited for your new walk in life.

Hard work pays off.

You're proof of that.

Though you're far, you're near. Peace be with you.

My Dearest Rob,

I miss my friend Rob:

I miss our chats about God, life, music, and every other nonsensical topic. Sometimes we didn't talk - we sat - we listened to nothing.

I miss bringing him food he never ate but he'd never tell me that - I just knew.

I miss the days we (or, maybe it was just I) stalked each others facebook, blog and YouTube pages. We called - we wrote. To me it still wasn't enough Rob. I knew things before he did. And I am sure he did too.

I miss our "random Baked meetings" that sometimes weren't so random. And often not long enough.

I miss a challenge at a good game of crib in the middle of the night.

I miss not telling him everything - all of the time. Luckily for him, he just gets the good stuff.

Sometimes you can live just down the hall from your best friend and it can feel like a journey of many miles just to get there and be no answer. For that, I miss insomnia. I miss our less busy times, when our schedules were a little more in-sync.

I might be bias, but this is, in my opinion, his best piece:

1 John 3:16

This is how we've come to understand and experience love: Christ sacrificed his life for us. This is why we ought to live sacrificially for our fellow believers, and not just be out for ourselves. If you see some brother or sister in need and have the means to do something about it but turn a cold shoulder and do nothing, what happens to God's love? It disappears. And you made it disappear.

1 John 3:16

scared

Have you ever woken up suddenly and realized just how alone and vulnerable you are? I woke up faced with the thought that someone could come through the front door, rape me, hurt me, have his way with me, or kill me and nobody would suspect a thing. The house to the right of me is empty and the people to the left of me usually come and go so often nobody would hear me scream.

This is why I keep roommates, but this week they're both gone.

knitting lessons

I made homemade pizza for one of my best friends today, it was a good time. I gave her all of the food in my cupboards that I am allergic to; now I will no longer be tempted to eat them. My words cannot begin to describe how lucky I am to have such a wonderful group surrounding me. Despite all of the potholes I've hit lately, I am actually quiet happy and content in my world. I wouldn't have it any other way (except the weather could be warmer).

I am the only one in the office this week and I am loving it. This quiet thing has been beautiful. Before the new girl came along I wished I had company however, I also wished for someone cool. I don't think her IQ is very high, she's kinda...sl....ow... Nonetheless, I've got so much work to do, mistakes to correct, and it was year end so I have actually been looking forward to work in the mornings. Not that my job has ever been dreadful, but it can be boring and unfulfilling. Come five o'clock I've never thought, "Wow, today I made the world a better place." I'd like to.

One of my roommates is moving out and I have big plans for his space. Okay, not big plans but new paint colours. I'd like it to be one big creative place down there. A place where things happen. I'd also like to make a designated place for quiet contemplation and mediation. I've got the sewing workshop, the kitchen, the office, the only thing missing is the "chill zone". Also come spring, I think I'll have to get a second dog. Jimmy was named "Jimmy Choo" for two reasons. One, Jimmy Choo is one of my favourite fashion designers. Two, Jimmy chews everything from shoes, to doors and even tries to chew through the fence and the deck when she is bored. She gets bored easily; she needs constant stimulation or people. Also, in my opinion dogs are cooler than people.

I got to have coffee or dinner with nearly all of my closest friends this last week, so it's hard to say life is tough. I've always got good food, and a warm place to rest my head at night. I've never felt closer to God than I do right now. I'm trusting and allowing myself to go along with His plan, instead of being ignorant. Jimmy is doing well, she's learning new tricks quickly and has become less aggressive on our walks in the evening. I've got a really good start on my newest short story, and I've been able to post something on my tumblr (if you follow) each week. It's great. (Not my work, but the idea that I am writing again. :] ) This cold weather has also been keeping me indoors reading and practicing the guitar. I practice for an entire movie's length each night, and honestly I think I was better the day of my very first lesson. I might be the least coordinated person on the face of earth. Music is not my jam, but I am trying hard. Things are never fun if you suck at them, so I am trying to be good so that I can figure out why people like it so much... but honestly!?... Seriously!?...I'm brutal.

Yukon Literacy has been looking for volunteers to tutor young kids. My bucket list does contain "teach a child to read," I should do it. However, I've learned from my time spent at Big Brothers and Big Sisters that it's not the cute kids dressed with ribbons in their hair that need help reading. It's the less fortunate with bigger issues than not being able to read Dora The Explorer. Their parents beat them, do drugs, leave them home abandoned and they have no friends other than you. You being the person that has no idea how to handle the things that come out of their mouths, you being the innocent bystander when they lose their cool because they'd rather hang out with you than go "home." It is heart breaking. It's stressful. Before I sign up my time, I have to really think about this one. Kids need help; they're brought into this place innocent, and knowing nothing. It's us who messes them up and sends them off into the world only to keep the cycle going. How do you end the cycle without education? See I'm stuck. :]

Roommate love:

A text conversation between my roommate and I:

Jer: "How's the party!? Bar?"
Kels: "Dunno, didn't go, how's yours?"
Jer: "Movie Party!"
Jer: "Why didn't you go!?!? Grow up Kels get out and meet some dudes!"
Kels: "I know."

The end.

coffee tussle

you leave your dog out in the cold
while you put the rest of your life on hold
you sip your coffee extra hot
sometimes splurge and get the extra shot.
as your dog sits and shivers,
you need to take a trip to many rivers.
what you're doing is just not right
how do you sleep with yourself at night?
but what do you care,
he's got his own hair?
as he sits there in his sled,
i think he's better off dead.