Lately:

I think I just allowed the biggest, burliest, tattooed dude to live in my basement for the summer. Oh please God, don't let him be some kind of psycho killer!

I've been doing yoga and drinking too much beer.

Listening to a lot of hip-hop and classical music. I don't get it either.

Loving my time with Shannon. Dang woman, you're a good listener. Thanks for the perspective.

Eating a lot of take-out and cooking zero. It's depressing to cook for one. Never been good at it. Out-of-the-pot-and-over-the-sink has never been my thing... Yes, that's how I eat when I am alone. Tables with empty chairs depress me.

Being told to keep going over chicken fingers and messy sandwiches. I don't take that lightly, it is easy to crumble and stay there. Thank you.

Sleeping not very much. Constantly having nightmares. Last night a fellow high-school student shot me in the head. People in the street didn't care I was dying.

Walking a lot with Luna. Enjoying the spring smells.

Planning to move.

Asked to job shadow under a caterer here. I don't even care if I get paid!

Reading Born to Run. I'm glad I took a third attempt at it. Also a book on how to make friends. As I have none. And I probably need them

Creating a summer bucket list. It's going to be an action packed last summer here. 

Telling myself, "I just have to adjust to life without him, and that I will be okay." Adapting to an adverse situation. I could have cancer or no legs. This should be easier.

Trying to be grateful. Failing at it.

Forcing myself to focus on me, and my goals for a change.

Learning to let go of the past. It has always been a challenge.

Fixing my house to sell it in June.

If I've missed telling you that I was leaving in the fall, I am sorry that this is how you found out.

Much love, dear friends.

Guilty Pleasures

My secret: I love Love, even though I try to pretend it sucks, I actually enjoy it.

Let's be serious here, what girl honestly doesn't love romance? Gentlemen, if a girl is telling you this, it's a lie.

It feels good to give and receive love. I don't necessarily mean just the boyfriend/girlfriend/significant other love either, there are other kinds.

But, I love when you think of someone and feel strange inside. A good strange-like you are dancing and laughing in a mine field; it’s dangerous, but fun at the same time.

So, sometimes (which really means often,) I give in to this guilty pleasure. I listen to the most cheesy love song I can find, and I day dream. And I pray that someday I am the girl that artist is singing about, because I can't imagine any better feeling than to have someone feel that way about you.

Sadly, but secretly not, I'm confessing to you that I've been jamming to these two songs for a few days. It's okay to judge. :)


For the most part Train is my go to artist. With lyrics like, "You wear white and I will wear out the words, "I love you.'" you can't go wrong. Melts my heart.


Simply a classic. Nothing more to say.

How Great Is Our God.

Each time I hear this song on the radio, I can't help but to belt out the chorus along with him.

This song also reminds me of the Church I went to a few times last summer. It was more fun than my Church Home, but I felt like we weren't taking God seriously enough. Plus I love the old hymns we sing at mine.

Quote of the week:

"We should go to Church together on Sunday, I want to sing some old Hymns!" -Kai

Bon Iver

I am obsessing with Bon Iver today. He's raw and beautiful. Emotions are sexy. And give me goosebumps.



Every beautiful thing has been captured in this video:

Okay. Seriously? Two things: How the eff can 8 year olds be so awesome? and Where can I get a bedroom like that?

Orange Sky

repeat.. all day

Holcombe Waller! I'm in love with this kid.

mostly, i am tired

I was correct; I did not like this weekend. I am thankful it will be a short week for me as I need a relief from some of the things that are currently causing stress. I've got the stress hives to prove it.


I am off to Vancouver this week for a bone density scan, which I have yet to research what this entails. I fear that my bones may actually be thinning; often I am in a lot of pain and my finger did break from walking the dog and it is taking longer than usual to heal.


I am excited I get to see Bodhi Jones in Vancouver on Friday, he has been a favourite of mine for some time. I even have a date to this spectacular event; lucky me. I plan to do some hiking and actually see Vancouver while I am there. Usually I fly down the day before and come back the day after not leaving any time to really explore the city. I hear it is quite lovely, and I still plan to go to Culinary Arts School there next year. It'd be nice if I was in love with the city and looked forward to leaving my current location. I hate when I get sad about leaving this beautiful where I currently live, because it is quite paradise-like.


I've never said it before, and I am sorry it has taken me so long to realize that I've yet to thank you for following me: Thank you for reading my ramblings throughout these dark months. Thank you for your comments and suggestions, several of them have come to me when I needed them most. Though I do not post many of them, take heart they do not go unnoticed, and your voices are heard loudly. I am grateful for any advice or pieces of wisdom that you have offered me. Please enjoy this beautiful day that God has given to us.

our choice

"Hearts break open with sadness or they close up with bitterness. Our choice." I read that somewhere recently and I can't remember where, but it has stuck with me.

I'm going to see this guy play tonight with a few really good friends, I'm pretty excited. I can't tell if I am more excited to watch the show or to see my loved ones. Maybe the combination is just right.



I think this is going to be a great weekend. My sister is trying to be my friend again, but I am not yet ready for that. However, her dance recital is coming up and I plan to go and watch but not let her know I am there. No matter how much I am hating her today I cannot miss her dance; I'll forever regret missing that. I love her, but I can't keep putting myself in situations where I am constantly getting hurt. I've recently gotten out of two of those, and I feel so much taller and happier! My time is even more limited on earth to spend them crying - I'd rather smile with good people.