I can't find the words to express myself. It seems none of them, though there are many, come close enough to describe my thoughts.
I'm taking this week off. I'm signing out so I can try to better understand myself. Through God, I hope to come out of this a more understanding and forgiving soul. I hope I discover a slight sense of my purpose, a small reason why I am here doing what I do.
Showing posts with label faith. Show all posts
Showing posts with label faith. Show all posts
January 22, 2012
January 8, 2012
Devil's Advocate
Sometimes you gotta go a little crazy. Sometimes you gotta call your best friend and let it all out. Sometimes you gotta talk about your inner demons, and cry. A lot. And sometimes in public. But at least, your best friend has your hand. And tissue.
I've been my own devil's advocate lately. The devil in me has been testing, rather wearing out, my positive side. Breaking me down. I'm losing sight of myself.
I do not care to expand. I think it is time for me to step back in order to figure it all out.
I've lost touch with my sense of purpose. I have lost sight of God's plan for me. I thought I had it figured out, I was pleased with the Grace He has showered upon me. But, I am lost. Maybe I have lost sight of God. I seem to give Him my leftovers, maybe... I dunno? I need some time.
But the LORD has become my fortress,
and my God the rock in whom I take refuge.
-Psalm 94:22
I've been my own devil's advocate lately. The devil in me has been testing, rather wearing out, my positive side. Breaking me down. I'm losing sight of myself.
I do not care to expand. I think it is time for me to step back in order to figure it all out.
I've lost touch with my sense of purpose. I have lost sight of God's plan for me. I thought I had it figured out, I was pleased with the Grace He has showered upon me. But, I am lost. Maybe I have lost sight of God. I seem to give Him my leftovers, maybe... I dunno? I need some time.
But the LORD has become my fortress,
and my God the rock in whom I take refuge.
-Psalm 94:22
September 25, 2011
Philippians
Every now and then I need to be reminded or retaught how to give and receive love; I find I don't always do a good job of it. Which, I believe is an important skill to be equipped with these days.
It's been a long time since I've sat with God and studied His Words. I did this for a while after Church today. I studied the book of Philippians, which fits so well with where I am at in my life these days - Laying down my glory (if you can call it that) to become a better person.
Philippians 2 1-18
Imitating Christ’s Humility
Therefore if you have any encouragement from being united with Christ, if any comfort from his love, if any common sharing in the Spirit, if any tenderness and compassion, then make my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and of one mind. Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others. In your relationships with one another, have the same mindset as Christ Jesus:
Who, being in very nature God,
did not consider equality with God something to be used to his own advantage;
rather, he made himself nothing
by taking the very nature of a servant,
being made in human likeness.
And being found in appearance as a man,
he humbled himself
by becoming obedient to death—
even death on a cross!
Therefore God exalted him to the highest place
and gave him the name that is above every name,
that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow,
in heaven and on earth and under the earth,
and every tongue acknowledge that Jesus Christ is Lord,
to the glory of God the Father.
Do Everything Without Grumbling
Therefore, my dear friends, as you have always obeyed—not only in my presence, but now much more in my absence—continue to work out your salvation with fear and trembling, for it is God who works in you to will and to act in order to fulfill his good purpose. Do everything without grumbling or arguing, so that you may become blameless and pure, “children of God without fault in a warped and crooked generation.” Then you will shine among them like stars in the sky as you hold firmly to the word of life. And then I will be able to boast on the day of Christ that I did not run or labor in vain. But even if I am being poured out like a drink offering on the sacrifice and service coming from your faith, I am glad and rejoice with all of you. So you too should be glad and rejoice with me.
It's been a long time since I've sat with God and studied His Words. I did this for a while after Church today. I studied the book of Philippians, which fits so well with where I am at in my life these days - Laying down my glory (if you can call it that) to become a better person.
Philippians 2 1-18
Imitating Christ’s Humility
Therefore if you have any encouragement from being united with Christ, if any comfort from his love, if any common sharing in the Spirit, if any tenderness and compassion, then make my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and of one mind. Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others. In your relationships with one another, have the same mindset as Christ Jesus:
Who, being in very nature God,
did not consider equality with God something to be used to his own advantage;
rather, he made himself nothing
by taking the very nature of a servant,
being made in human likeness.
And being found in appearance as a man,
he humbled himself
by becoming obedient to death—
even death on a cross!
Therefore God exalted him to the highest place
and gave him the name that is above every name,
that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow,
in heaven and on earth and under the earth,
and every tongue acknowledge that Jesus Christ is Lord,
to the glory of God the Father.
Do Everything Without Grumbling
Therefore, my dear friends, as you have always obeyed—not only in my presence, but now much more in my absence—continue to work out your salvation with fear and trembling, for it is God who works in you to will and to act in order to fulfill his good purpose. Do everything without grumbling or arguing, so that you may become blameless and pure, “children of God without fault in a warped and crooked generation.” Then you will shine among them like stars in the sky as you hold firmly to the word of life. And then I will be able to boast on the day of Christ that I did not run or labor in vain. But even if I am being poured out like a drink offering on the sacrifice and service coming from your faith, I am glad and rejoice with all of you. So you too should be glad and rejoice with me.
September 21, 2011
April 6, 2011
And This Is What I Do In My Room
I've come to realize I now need more quiet time with God than I used to. I am giving back to Him all of the blessings he has given me. I want to get to know Him better; I know His words and his Grace, but I do not know Him so well.
I think I might have figured out a very small part of His plan for me, but there is still so much to sort out. Maybe God has made me struggle so much because He knows how strong I can be, and that maybe I am supposed to be an example for others. If I become the best that I can be, instead of playing that small pitiful being I've become, and share the love that God has given me with Him and to others my suffering may end. Perhaps it was not my faith He was testing, but that I was unfocused and needed that push to walk before God instead of crawling.
I think I might have figured out a very small part of His plan for me, but there is still so much to sort out. Maybe God has made me struggle so much because He knows how strong I can be, and that maybe I am supposed to be an example for others. If I become the best that I can be, instead of playing that small pitiful being I've become, and share the love that God has given me with Him and to others my suffering may end. Perhaps it was not my faith He was testing, but that I was unfocused and needed that push to walk before God instead of crawling.
January 31, 2011
small things
I think there is a certain time in our lives when we have to step back and ask ourselves what's really important to us.
Could it be our relationships, our job, our walk with God? Sometimes we get so carried away with our busy days we tend to forget about the things that are important to us. We lose track of these small things, the flowers unsmelt, the coffee unsipped, the conversations unspoken, the tail wags unnoticed. We miss these things; they're there everyday, they just go unnoticed. Often when we remember to savour life, it's too late; the beautiful bits in life have long wilted and dried up on us. In the heat of the moment, it is impossible for us to see this, we think we are doing the right things, rushing from place to place, commitment to commitment, being more efficient than ever, but instead we are doing all of the wrong things. We are missing the sunsets with friends, and the pointless drives to nowhere - we are too busy driving to the grocery store for milk because tomorrow is cookie day at work and it is our turn to bake.
I am at a time in my life where I have taken on so many things that I have forgotten why I am doing them, and who I am doing them for. I lost myself in a run today and it hit me that most of the commitments in my life aren't done for me, but for someone else. These aren't my goals and dreams I am trying to achieve. This isn't who I am. Some of these commitments are chores and are not pleasureful to me at all.
The things that truly make me happy don't cost me money, they don't require me to be somewhere every second Sunday morning, they never ask me to be someone I am not. They understand that running is running, and not sprints, splits and tempos. They understand that hobbies are just that, and not homework. You see, I could spend an entire day sitting under a tree with nothing to do, and nobody to talk to, just staring off into nothing. I could watch a sunset until I died and not be bored. I could talk with a friend about everything or nothing at all until our words ran out of letters. I could stare at the stars until I have memorized every constellation in the sky. But, I have forgotten how to do these things. I have not made the time to participate in the life I would rather live.
I've allowed this hustle and bustle to consume me. One of my biggest fears is to suddenly wake up ten years from now full of I wish I had slowed down moments. I am happy everyday, I am glad to be alive. I am grateful for everything I have and everything I have done; God has clothed me well. I don't dread my days one bit, but I miss the simplicity that life once was.
Could it be our relationships, our job, our walk with God? Sometimes we get so carried away with our busy days we tend to forget about the things that are important to us. We lose track of these small things, the flowers unsmelt, the coffee unsipped, the conversations unspoken, the tail wags unnoticed. We miss these things; they're there everyday, they just go unnoticed. Often when we remember to savour life, it's too late; the beautiful bits in life have long wilted and dried up on us. In the heat of the moment, it is impossible for us to see this, we think we are doing the right things, rushing from place to place, commitment to commitment, being more efficient than ever, but instead we are doing all of the wrong things. We are missing the sunsets with friends, and the pointless drives to nowhere - we are too busy driving to the grocery store for milk because tomorrow is cookie day at work and it is our turn to bake.
I am at a time in my life where I have taken on so many things that I have forgotten why I am doing them, and who I am doing them for. I lost myself in a run today and it hit me that most of the commitments in my life aren't done for me, but for someone else. These aren't my goals and dreams I am trying to achieve. This isn't who I am. Some of these commitments are chores and are not pleasureful to me at all.
The things that truly make me happy don't cost me money, they don't require me to be somewhere every second Sunday morning, they never ask me to be someone I am not. They understand that running is running, and not sprints, splits and tempos. They understand that hobbies are just that, and not homework. You see, I could spend an entire day sitting under a tree with nothing to do, and nobody to talk to, just staring off into nothing. I could watch a sunset until I died and not be bored. I could talk with a friend about everything or nothing at all until our words ran out of letters. I could stare at the stars until I have memorized every constellation in the sky. But, I have forgotten how to do these things. I have not made the time to participate in the life I would rather live.
I've allowed this hustle and bustle to consume me. One of my biggest fears is to suddenly wake up ten years from now full of I wish I had slowed down moments. I am happy everyday, I am glad to be alive. I am grateful for everything I have and everything I have done; God has clothed me well. I don't dread my days one bit, but I miss the simplicity that life once was.
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