30 before 30: Move to Vancouver

I did it. I am here. Vancouver. I move into my apartment on the 15th. I'm excited to get a job and furnish my place. I want to join running clubs, book clubs and just focus on finding myself. I miss my family a lot, and I will miss them insanely more, but I really had to get away from that mess. I feel good here. 

Though a weird part of me feels like I need to take on a big project or achieve some crazy goal - to prove something to myself. My good friend pointed out, that I already did: I moved! I am not sure what I have in mind. 

I have a lot of things I want to accomplish. And, I will. 

My move took a long time. 

Only an hour into our drive and I am already out of the car taking pictures of the scenery. Miss the Yukon much? I think so. 

 I have no idea where this is. Northern BC I think.

 Moose! Tones of wildlife on the road. Bison, Elk, Horses, Moose, Coyotes, Birds, Bears. Dead animals getting eaten by other animals. It was cool to see nature like that. Though I feel guilt for building roads in their living room. 

 Pissed off Weimaraner. Luna hates cars, and he hates when her schedule is messed up. She's been pretty mad at me for the last month. I've left her in a boarding kennel while I am running a race in Victoria. I have some kissing up to do. :( 

See!? trying to get her into the hotel room! I had to physically lift her out. 

I think she is so stressed looking here. 

Won't even smile. But to be fair, I am about to drop her off for two nights and three days at a kennel. Don't believe me, but dogs know your every thought. They are good like that. 

30 before 30: Qualify for New York Marathon

I didn't qualify today. I did not come close, but I feel ever so proud of myself and my running journey. 

September 23, 2012 marked the one year anniversary of completely rupturing my achillie's tendon while playing squash. Today I ran The Goodlife Fitness Victoria Marathon!! I finished in 4 hours, 11 minutes and 18 seconds. I got 38 out of 129 in my category and was the 264th female to cross the line out of 837 awesome women. I was hoping to be under 4 hours, but I must say I feel pretty proud of myself today, and must keep in mind back in May I couldn't run longer than 1 and a half minutes. 

It was mentally challenging, and I have more blisters on my feet than I wished for, and my legs are so sore I might become stuck on the toilet later. :) 

18 weeks of training to get here:

 Before the start of the race. Rockin' my awesome sweats!

Feeling awesome. 

 Good friend Justin and I. Our future is so bright we need sunglasses! Thankful for his love of running too. I need more insane friends in my life.

Sweaty shirt, and medal. awe-yeah! Good day 

30 before 30: Get Baptized

On September 15, 2012, I said I do, to the Lord. It feels right. I was pretty nervous in front of the large crowd, but I got over it. 

 Laying on hands, these kids are so cute. I love them. 

I love my minister Bev C Brazier and the United Church of Whitehorse. She's become a best friend, and I hope I will always remain close with her. She inspires me. 

30 before 30: Hike in Denali National Park

I spent 10 days travelling the State of Alaska. I drove 3,400 Kilometres. Took over 500 pictures, and ate out of way too many dehydrated food bags. 

I met a lot of really cool people and saw even more great things.

I learnt a lot about myself. I found peace in the rain, and got more and more depressed the closer I got to home proving the move to Vancouver is not by any means a mistake. 

New shoes! First run in them! 

Luna and I chilling at the beach in Seward. The only blue sky while I was in that funky town. 

My favourite place of the trip. 

Mount Marathon. I hike half-way up and got pepper sprayed.. She wanted to make sure it works. It worked.

When you can only carry 4L of water at a time and you are never really sure where the next refill comes from, you learn a new kind of respect for the land. 

Moose! A baby moose allowed me to hang out with it on a park path in Anchorage, AK 

The bus that took me 89 miles into the National Park of Denali. 6 hours on this thing is enough. 

Mt. McKinley. This picture does it no justice. We are still 30 or 40 miles as the bird flies to the peak. There are about 50 days a year when you can actually see it. I lucked out. 

Long live the river! 

Yep, love books. 

30 before 30 Spreading Jim in the Tombstones

I actually hiked and spread Jimmy on July 1, 2012. Two months ago... I am getting really bad at posting. Sorry. 

I was all alone out here. 

Could never grow tired of these mountains.

I dug a hole and put her ashes in the ground here. E.M.O.T.I.O.N.A.L! 

Alaska Bound.

A week from today, I'm heading to Alaska for 10 days. I'll be spending it with Luna fishing, hiking and bumming around the coast.

Hiking in Denali is on my 30 before 30. I haven't put much thought into it yet. I'm excited. I'm scared. I'm looking forward to a break from my phone-family-job.

Hopefully after Alaska I will have time to update this thing more often.

Until then, keep dancing.

30 days of saying no. I'm alive.

Consecutively, I've not said no for thirty days. But I do make it a habit of saying no more often. In doing so, I've realized who and what is important to me. I've realized which relationships to pour myself into, and what hobbies are most likely to make me feel whole and important in this world. 

This is what I've been up to the past few weeks:

I've been hanging out with this guy. Tonight was our last visit before he moves back to Vancouver. Heartbreaking, but it feels right. Sad that we won't be doing Thursday Trail Runs, and talking about our other outdoor passions. Going to miss this kid for the next two months. However, I wish him well and hope his holiday to Alaska is awesome. Well deserved, young man, well deserved. 

Trying to plow my way through 12 classic novels. For some idiotic reason, I started with Tolstoy's War and Peace. Good, but hard. 

My office life has been hectic. I spend a lot of my energy, mental and physical, there trying to stay on top of things. Training my replacement has made me realize a) I quite love my job, b) teaching makes me feel good, c) people lie. 

Going to Church and spending quiet moments with God. He knows me well, He brings me challenges, He loves me. It was Blessing of the Animals Sunday. I brought Luna. 

This painting behind me is an interpretation of my favourite Bible Verse:

What does the Lord require of you?

To act justly, love mercy, and to walk humbly with God.

-Micah 6:8

(I consider this the only option for a tattoo on my body. It resonates within my soul.)

I've been cooking. 

Hammocking with books before long runs in the evenings. 

Spending a lot of time with Luna.

Listening to music. A lot. 

Thinking of my grandma. Recently diagnosed with Cancer. 

Spending time with my family. My brother recently got back from Vancouver. He went on a fishing charter, caught Salmon and brought it back to smoke some for me! So freaking good! For him, I am thankful. 

My hermitting, as some of my friends have called it, has paid off. I now know that I require a lot of quite time, I've learned that it's important for me to be still with books, or my dog or just a cup of tea while I gaze out the window. I've learned spending time in my kitchen is good for my health. Not just my waistline, but my soul. I've learned that taking time to write letters and send care packages to my friends in far places is a wonderful thing. Charity work is important to me. Long, slow pointless walks with my girlfriends and our dogs makes me happy. Tea dates. And catch-up dinners make me whole. 

These 30 days have been hard. Saying no is not easy and is still something I have to try hard at. But I've learned saying no won't make the world stop turning. It doesn't ruin lives, but rather enriches them.  

30 before 30: Conversation with a stranger

I needed some alone time today. It's been a go.

I took my dog and decided to eat my lunch at Arts in The Park, an hour of local music in a park over lunch; I knew I would know nobody there. And I was right, the music was lovely and the kids danced. It made me smile to watch them celebrate their innocent joy. As they always do. 

After the music was over I started to read my book, a random man asked me about my dog so we did that awkward small-talk thing about her not being good with the winter, etc. We ended up getting into an hour's length conversation about traveling, life and love. Neither of us knew what was happening in our own lives, but we knew we didn't belong in our current place. We both admitted that we needed to do some soul searching.

There is something beautiful about conversing with someone who doesn't know the other’s hurt, and being free to express yourself because you know in a few minutes you'll never see them again. It's liberating. It's educational. It's good to know you're not alone. It's humbling to realize across the table from you sits a man that has once walked the same path you're currently on. 

He made my large empty world feel smaller, more home-like.

(Not coffee with a stranger, but nonetheless, it was a good conversation) 

30 day challenge || Saying No

I am a *happy person, but even happy people have rough days and weeks and months. Because I have long considered this a personal space, I choose to blog openly and honestly. This means that sometimes, you - whoever you may be - get a glimpse inside my head, and that glimpse might not always be pretty or tidy or fair or complete. I am a work in progress, and this blog reflects that.

A while back I posted about slowing down to regain some of the happiness I have lost because of circumstances beyond my control.

Two signs, if you will, have placed themselves in front of me. A comment from one of you lovely readers, who shall remain unnamed,  struck a chord within me, and I did not take it lightly. In a sense that I am going to now pay attention. She expressed concerns that one day my stress my actually lead to chronic illness or depression. I thought immediately, "it's like you know me!" Along with her comment about my health and quality of life, I stumbled upon this quote by Shauna Niequist, and it too made me question my life:

"Become a student of your own developing self. Pay attention to what moves you, what you love, what makes you angry, what makes you exhausted. There are no right answers to those kinds of questions, but if you don’t pay attention, you may find yourself several years down the road, living a life that looks good on paper, but doesn’t ring true to the deepest parts of you. That’s a terrible place to be. Become a student of what you love, because what you love flows out of the way God made you.”

This is me paying attention. This is me here. Present.

I'm stepping back. I am asking myself to step back from all commitments for 30 days. As of June 1st, no social functions, no volunteer work, no after-work-walks, no teams to be apart of, no helping with yard work, and no overtime hours at the office. I will have tea, run, and attend church on my terms. I can see you raising your eyebrows and shaking your head, and that's okay. There will be exceptions of course, but I am going out the door with the intention of slowing down and saying no each morning.

It's not because I don't love you, or want to see you. It's that I don't take the time to slow down and pay attention to my own soul. I don't know what I need to make a bad day good, I don't know what moves me, exhausts me or even angers me. I don't know the deepest parts of me. And that's scary. I am not sure if it's a woman thing, or a human thing, but I don't make time for myself. Maybe that it's because I'd rather be busy and distracted than have to pay attention to my body and intuition. I need to get my life back.

I feel I should say no to everything so that, later, I can begin saying yes - one by one - to discover the people and commitments that are most important.

My life is about to change, maybe for the better, maybe not. I don't need to help everyone, and do everything anymore. Sounds selfish, but it's really not; If I am constantly spread so thin, how can I focus solely on the important ones? The ones that count. I won't know how to love you if I don't know how to love myself.

Basically, I'd like to make my life move a bit more slowly. I think that's okay. I won't really apologize for that. I really need a change.

And, let's be honest, I believe I am depressed, and I already have Crohn's Disease. It's time to change something. If you're reading again, your comment was an eyeopener, and I thank you from the bottom of my heart. God bless.


*I could be lying. But it sounds better if I lie and say I am happy.

30 before 30: Grand Canyon

As you know, my 29th birthday was a week ago, so I decided about a month ago I should try to complete 30 goals before I turn 30. Yes, typical of me to leave things to the very last minute- I know. When I finish editing my list I will post it, but I have to be careful what I put on it as I am soon to be out of a job and house... 

So, here is the first thing I've done on my list. Hiking in the Grand Canyon. I've just returned from three days there. It was humbling to say the least. You don't realize how small and insignificant you are until you've been somewhere so magical, for the lack of a better word. 

I asked one of my best friends to share the experience with me. God love her for tolerating my driving, picky eating and terribly smelly armpits.. 

 On the first day, we were lucky to make it in-time for the solar eclipse. We sat on the edge of the canyon wall watching the eclipse. Sorry about the camera shake, I didn't bring a tripod. 

 North meets South in the East. 

We took a break for lunch here. It was quiet with lots of space to think.

 The trail at the top on our way back.

Powell Lake Damn where we started on our rafting journey down the Colorado River. 

 Fly Fishing in the river

Shannon and I after our hiking adventure down the South Kaibab Trail.