Facebook

I don't miss it. 

I don't miss feeling jealous; I don't miss feeling empty or unworthy; I don't miss the longing for other people's lives or possessions; I don’t miss the burden of attempting to mend pain that is not my own; and I certainly don't miss the hurt or chaos that comes with the gossip. I don't miss the late night "stalking" of my friend's pages to see what they've been up to. 

I enjoy the mystery; the catching up face to face. I like the real instant message in facial expressions.

I can barely handle the burdens those around me carry. Too much information is available to our fingertips; I stumble upon pain, guilt and fear. I walk around in a fog not really knowing how to cope, or deal with the pains in my loved one’s hearts. I don’t quite know how to handle this grief with grace. 

Because, what am I supposed to do? How am I supposed to handle these things that are so much bigger? How am I supposed to move past these boulders and walk the path that lies before me? 

I don’t know. 

I do know that Facebook-and the pain it brings to me-has damaged my relationship with my loved ones. I’d rather stay home, read a book, or cuddle my boyfriend than deal with the pain in my heart. 

Maybe I’m just supposed to do with these big things what I can. Maybe I don’t move them out of the way completely. Maybe I just gently nudge, and with each nudge maybe the burden becomes lighter.

Nevertheless. 

I am at a crossroad: Do I delete my account, or am I to pick and choose who stays, and who goes?

I swear I was only trying to Google something, and the result lead me to a Facebook page... Dun dun dunn. It signed me in, automatically of course, and I saw that I had several notifications, e-mails and friend requests. I quickly closed out before looking at them. Ah! The suspense is going to kill me.This is more ridiculous than the suggested nutrition plan for P90X...

I have to be more careful, it could have been porn! ;)

40 days of Lent.

Lent. Lenten Season. I shall sacrifice for Him. As feeble as my attempt may be.

I don’t know everything about Lent, and I am not so sure how it is supposed to look, but I do know it's not what you give up; it's what you do in attitude. I suppose the only way to really appreciate this is by participation, worship, and a whole lot of prayer.

This year, my first year participating, I am attempting to give up Facebook for 40 days. I know saying, "I quit Facebook." doesn't sound like I am doing very much for Him when he sacrificed so much for me.  But have faith; what I am hoping to do with the time I typically spend on Facebook is much greater than one may think.

Life is about loving, living and laughing-together. I am trusting that the time I normally waste on Facebook can be used to enrich my relationship with Our Father, my friends, and family. I want to give them the love and time they deserve. 

When I got sick two years ago with Crohn’s Disease my social life got put on the back burner, and so, my life as a social butterfly stopped dead in its tracks. I have yet to devote the same time and energy into my friend’s lives as I used to. I hope to use Lent as my justification to jump back into life, my old life. The life where my loved ones were the centre of my life; their happiness was the key to my happiness. 

I am largely indebted to my friends who stuck by my side when I sauntered sadly through my darkest days; I owe so much to my community for the resources I’ve been handed through this period. I won’t only be out gallivanting about in social festivities, but I will also be reserving moments of peace. I believe this attitude I am taking about Lent, is also about slowing down, breathing deeply, and taking the time to remind myself what Lent is about and why we celebrate in it. 

I am hoping I can open my heart to hear what He has to say, and give back what He has given to me.