small things

I think there is a certain time in our lives when we have to step back and ask ourselves what's really important to us.

Could it be our relationships, our job, our walk with God? Sometimes we get so carried away with our busy days we tend to forget about the things that are important to us. We lose track of these small things, the flowers unsmelt, the coffee unsipped, the conversations unspoken, the tail wags unnoticed. We miss these things; they're there everyday, they just go unnoticed. Often when we remember to savour life, it's too late; the beautiful bits in life have long wilted and dried up on us. In the heat of the moment, it is impossible for us to see this, we think we are doing the right things, rushing from place to place, commitment to commitment, being more efficient than ever, but instead we are doing all of the wrong things. We are missing the sunsets with friends, and the pointless drives to nowhere - we are too busy driving to the grocery store for milk because tomorrow is cookie day at work and it is our turn to bake.

I am at a time in my life where I have taken on so many things that I have forgotten why I am doing them, and who I am doing them for. I lost myself in a run today and it hit me that most of the commitments in my life aren't done for me, but for someone else. These aren't my goals and dreams I am trying to achieve. This isn't who I am. Some of these commitments are chores and are not pleasureful to me at all.

The things that truly make me happy don't cost me money, they don't require me to be somewhere every second Sunday morning, they never ask me to be someone I am not. They understand that running is running, and not sprints, splits and tempos. They understand that hobbies are just that, and not homework. You see, I could spend an entire day sitting under a tree with nothing to do, and nobody to talk to, just staring off into nothing. I could watch a sunset until I died and not be bored. I could talk with a friend about everything or nothing at all until our words ran out of letters. I could stare at the stars until I have memorized every constellation in the sky. But, I have forgotten how to do these things. I have not made the time to participate in the life I would rather live.

I've allowed this hustle and bustle to consume me. One of my biggest fears is to suddenly wake up ten years from now full of I wish I had slowed down moments. I am happy everyday, I am glad to be alive. I am grateful for everything I have and everything I have done; God has clothed me well. I don't dread my days one bit, but I miss the simplicity that life once was.