peaceful existence

i think i am afraid... yes, this is me afraid.

mostly i hate not knowing. i hate uncontrollable factors and unfavorable outcomes a lot. i wish i had a time machine. i would travel ahead to the future just a little bit, not too far, just enough to see the outcome of some of the things, not everything though, just some. i doubt i would change my present any, but at least i would know. i've had a fair share of pain, sorrow, and hurt in the past, i would just like a heads up this time. shed a little light to the situation.


i've been pretty sick lately. (yes, i know it's been a year, but i mean more than normal.) the upside, it's less painful than when i was in italy, but perhaps i am adapting to the situation. thinking about eliminating a lot of food starting monday. even coffee. i'll call it sad face monday. black friday, sad face monday. it fits.

all of the doctors don't really know what my deal is. i am guessing that i should start experimenting with things...it's probably that hippie dish soap i have been using.