utterly consumed

This time next week I will be passed out in what I hope is a reasonably comfortable hospital bed. I am starting to become scared and am allowing it to completely consume my thoughts. Whatever they find, I hope it is something simple to fix. I won’t get the results until after my trip to Italy, but I could get them before Victoria, which I don’t want. Maybe I will wait; I have enough on my plate as it is. If I am dying, I would at least like to run Victoria with the idea that New York 2011is still a possibility.

It has been over three months since I have been confident that I will not lose my lunch. It is startling, the simple things we take for granted – like digestion. I am not in much physical pain, but social situations have become increasingly awkward and less appealing than they used to be. This thing, whatever it is, has made the thought of sharing candy at the movies, and drinking wine with my girlfriends unbearable. I Struggle with the idea of making good food, and spending the money of quality ingredients when I just never know...

I haven’t told my mom or dad (which is unusual for our family, we share everything)… I told them it’s a knee checkup and that I wanted the rest of the day off to pack for the trip. I shouldn’t have lied, but I don’t want them worrying anymore than they have to, or anyone for that matter. Please don’t worry, let me do that for you.