so very wordless

I have so much on my mind lately; it is as if the flood gates of my every thought broke loose. There is so much going on up there I can not for the life of me get it out. This is the bottle neck part of my "traffic jam, bottle neck, cookie cutter, plastic mind".

Lately, my life has been lacking a fine balance; there are days of nothing followed by days of hysterical activity. This should change. I know I make my own choices and I choose to do these things but why don't I stop to find balance?

One would think that while I am awake all night I would have plenty of time to ponder life and get it all figured out, but in reality I am blankly staring at the wall with and a mind that is numb to all thoughts. It is my emotionless existence in a way. A lot of the time I am lonely too.

However, don't get me wrong, this is not another one of my emo blogs. I have decided to relish in these feelings of melancholy. I am going to love every last tear I shed, every frown I can't wipe off my face and I am going to turn up the sad music and sulk for days! I am not going to get dressed and I am going to eat all the iced cream in the world. Let’s just hope this phase doesn't take too long to pass.

Is this a great idea? I am not sure yet. I do know that it is only going to get better from here, that there are other wonderful men out there for me, that my dad didn't and still doesn't have a clue what he is doing when it comes to being a father and most importantly I KNOW in my heart it WASN'T MY FAULT that "that guy" did what he did to me.


"you may now more clearly see that the opportunities are real and valuable and that the hurdles you have overcome have forced you to a higher place in life."